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STORY TIME: I've Been Self Healing (and didn't even know it)

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." ~ Henry Ford

Hey hey sweetie pies. It is currently 1:01 am as I am writing this. Low key wondering why I am up as my alarm is set to go off in another 4 1/2 hours. Something had been eating away at me and told me that I needed to blog. I need to blog for a number of reasons, one being because I haven't posted a blog post in a while. I have been putting my blog on the back burner - definitely not intentional. It is definitely more so because I have been working on some other things that are close to my heart. This post was inspired by a brief conversation that I had with a dance friend. I won't mention her name as she will probably know once she reads this. I have been dancing for awhile now but I noticed some time back that I was dancing for the wrong reasons. I was still dancing and enjoying myself but it was more about the financial benefit than the emotional or mental benefit. You see dance has become something that is not just a hobby or a way to make a living - but something a lot more special. It is an outlet, a means of expression and a way to self heal. Dancing is very therapeutic for me. A way to express any emotion without using words. A part of me realized that I was letting go of that. Plus there were other things that were plaguing me as well. Things that were going on in my personal life.

I also was not happy with other aspects of my life and had to learn to remove things that didn't fulfill me or make me happy. I have been learning to rid my life of as much negativity as possible. I needed to remember to put myself first and not care what people think. This is my life! I need to live it for myself. I recently started back choreographing and creating (will share soon) and told myself that I am going after my dreams and giving it my all! I have been going on as many auditions as I can. Planning content for the blog and doing more on here. I am going after the things that matter to me and putting myself first.

I have recently gotten tired of running myself ragged trying to appease people. I am definitely a "yes" person or a "people pleaser". I always struggle when saying "no" - even when I know I can't commit. (Don't ask) It was just ridiculous and it drove me crazy in turn. I wanted to be Superwoman. I wanted to be able to be there for everyone while being all that I needed for myself and 99.999999% of the time that did not work out perfectly.

I promised myself that I would fully pursue my passions of dancing and blogging. I will be putting my heart, soul and hard work into my passions and it is such an amazing feeling! Not only because I am beginning to do things that bring me joy but that I am also living my dream and I find healing in this journey. I know it is a long road ahead but I have learned so much about myself in the process!

One thing is that I am pretty bad ass! I noticed that once I get out of my own way and push past my insecurities - there's a sexy, strong and beautiful woman under there. I radiate an energy that is magnetic and it feels so good when I allow myself to just feel  and be me in that moment. Being a blogger and a dancer - it can become an issue of appearance and sometimes it is just smoke and mirrors. You have to be careful to not succumb into the "glitz and glamour" of it all the time. Allowing myself to live in my truth has been such an amazing feeling. Going to church, reading my bible, strengthening my relationship with my boyfriend David, chasing my dreams - all these things have cumulatively reignited a fire in me. I realized that I have been healing during this process. Me making this decision has opened my eyes and helped to focus on the things that really matter. Living in my truth and being in the moment has been such a liberation and cannot let anything slow me down.  Because once you make up your mind that you are changing for the better, there is always something/someone around the corner trying to revert you back to your old life. But I can't look back because I refuse to go that way.

I know this post is pretty much different than anything that I have blogged about. However, I pride myself on being a blogger who resonates with you all and is personable. I initially wasn't going to share this with anyone but I figured why not? Usually once I am just being raw with you guys, it is widely more accepted than the other things I blog about. I guess you guys can see through bs huh? Lolz

I appreciate you if got to the end of this post. It is a little random and not proofread so it may be difficult to follow - I am not sure. Leave your thoughts on my venting/honest moment in the comment section below. Love you sweetie pies.

As always, XO and Stay FAB! ~ Stormie J

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